She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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