ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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