you turned your livingroom into a bong?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
