If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
