I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
