Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
