Sorry, I don't speak sober.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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