did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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