discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
