Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
