Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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