she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
