Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I smell stomach acid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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