It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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