she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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