Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
