I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize