I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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