We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
