Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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