Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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