It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
