I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
