btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
