I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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