That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
