yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
