So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
