im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't put those talents on a resume
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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