I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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