My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
