I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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