just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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