yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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