so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
