She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
