Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
