i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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