Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
