Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
