I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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