dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
