I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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