I accidentally burped into my bong.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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