drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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