Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
