I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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