M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
