im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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