If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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