Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
