What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
