I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize