it's too hot outside to masturbate.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
