a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
