I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
