Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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