Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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