one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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