i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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