I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
