she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude. I can hear the air.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
