she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
