belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
