I hate all girls vehemently.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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