just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize